ONE.

They might LOOK pregnant, but they might not actually BE pregnant. I’ve witnessed this one myself and heard many stories about it happening. Save yourself the embarrassment and them the humiliation and just don’t ask. If it’s someone you see somewhat often you’ll probably find out soon enough if they are pregnant and if they’re not you’ll save yourself from an awkward situation.

TWO.

They might look pregnant because they recently were pregnant! Maybe they just don’t have baby in tow and there’s a good chance they’re self conscious about that post baby belly. Don’t remind them!

THREE.

Even worse and something I’m all too familiar with as a labor and delivery nurse:  they might look pregnant because they recently were pregnant but their story might not have had a happy ending. Too often a mama goes to the hospital with a baby in her belly and doesn’t go home with a baby in her arms. It’s heartbreaking and horrible and she most definitely doesn’t need to be reminded of it.

FOUR.

This one and the next are probably often accompanied with the word (or thought) yet! Are you pregnant….yet? It probably doesn’t have as much to do with physical appearance but the knowledge that someone is trying to get pregnant (or maybe you think they should be). Maybe they are trying and maybe they’ve been trying for a long time. That question is just one more reminder that it’s not happening.

FIVE.

This is a personal one for me. Maybe they’ve had a miscarriage or two or three. Maybe they’re getting pregnant, but having a hard time staying pregnant. When Daniel first got home I heard, “Are you pregnant yet!?!” from all sorts of people ALL THE TIME  and I didn’t mind. I really didn’t. 1) They were asking before it were even possible for me to be pregnant or know I was pregnant and 2) I knew they were just excited for me to have my husband home and excited about the prospect of me becoming pregnant. Their questions were thoughtful and full of good intentions. I didn’t mind and I was actually really excited to talk about it! Then a couple of months passed and I was pregnant. Hooray! I found out I was pregnant while we were on leave and started miscarrying the day we flew back. So….when I returned to work I was getting that question again, “Are you pregnant yet?”. But it was no longer exciting and fun to talk about. My answer then was, “Yes, but I think I’m having a miscarriage.” The miscarriage passed and weeks later I was still hearing, “Are you pregnant yet?” Still thoughtful and full of good intentions as the people asking didn’t realize I had another miscarriage but just another reminder that I had been pregnant but was no longer. A question full of good intentions and excitement that is actually heartbreaking.

SIX.

If she is pregnant she will tell you when she’s ready for you to know! I promise, she will. You’ll know when she wants you to! So, instead of asking if someone is pregnant just hold tight, be patient and wait for her to tell you when the time is right! It’ll probably save you both from some embarrassment, humiliation, heartbreak, and more!

Lastly…if you’re reading this and feeling terrible about asking me that question in the past PLEASE do not feel bad about it. It’s okay. Really, it is! I know you were asking with the best of intentions! Just don’t do it again 😉