There are certain dates you’ll never forget. Birthdays and anniversaries are probably at the top of the list. For me there are 3 others dates I’ll never forget.

September 29, 2015.

July 22, 2016.

February 20, 2017.

The due dates for all of the babies I’ve lost through miscarriage.

I’ve got so many thoughts racing through my mind on this date…my due date.

I should be 40 weeks pregnant and about to pop today.

Or maybe, because babies don’t always arrive on their due date, I should be holding a newborn in my arms today.

Maybe my baby would’ve read the manual and I’d be in labor right now.

I should be playing with my 10 month old today.

I should be 9 weeks and 4 days pregnant today.

I shouldn’t be prepping my body for intrauterine insemination….but I am.

Instead of delivering my own baby today, I delivered someone else’s. My first solo delivery. And only a few hours later I helped welcome another baby into the world…the Dr. made it to that one. I witnessed the birth of 2 babies that are not mine on a day that I should have been giving birth to my own.

We’ve decided to be more aggressive with the fertility treatments. I really don’t like the progesterone I have to take every month, but it’s the medication that makes the most sense (in my mind) for me to be on due to our recurrent miscarriages. I decided if I’m going to put this horrible medication into my body every month JUST IN CASE I’m pregnant then I want to do as much as possible to actually be pregnant.

IUI means more medications (probably worse medications–I’ll have to give myself shots) and the same old progesterone. The chances of success are only 10-20%. Those odds aren’t really making me too hopeful, but I’m not ready for IVF  and feel like I’ve got to do more. For me, IUI means I’ll start injections early in my cycle and my labs and ovaries will be monitored closely. When I have a mature follicle (hopefully more than 1, but not more than 4) I’ll give myself another, different shot to trigger ovulation. 24-36 hours after that shot I’ll go in for the procedure and then the dreaded two week wait will begin.

I’ve taken a break from Facebook and all of the pregnancy and birth announcements that come with it. I actually really haven’t missed it all that much either. I’m still on Instagram (@newellsletter) and you can follow me there for Jake updates and I’m going to try to post some fertility updates. I’ve decided to keep Instagram because I don’t follow too many people but do want to see photos of my handsome nephew and some other kiddos!

In the next few months (and always) please pray that my body will respond to the medications appropriately and that the IUI will be successful. Pray for a healthy pregnancy and a healthy child. Pray for our mental and emotional well being as well. Any prayers are so appreciated.