So it’s day 7 of my fertility break and I’ve already changed the plan. I actually changed the plan on day 2 and am just now getting around to blogging about it. I’m a Type A freak and basically had an 8 pronged plan for my fertility break and was telling my co-workers (who are also my friends!) about it when one of them asked, “Are you enjoying it? Honestly, are you enjoying it?” And that got me thinking. I definitely feel better when I work out and eat well, but no, I’m not really ENJOYING it. We continued talking and then someone said something that really resonated with me. It went something like this:
*you’re doing, not living
*you’re not really taking a break, sure, you’re taking a break from FERTILITY, but your not taking a break
–I NEED a break– From stress and worrying and tension and fear and exhaustion
*you’re not letting go of the need to be in control–you’ve just swapped out one strict routine (fertility tracking and all that comes with it) for another (my 8 pronged plan)
My plan basically had my day jam packed full of “things” so that I’d be too busy trying to mark them all off my list to think about fertility. Definitely not a break. Definitely doing, not living. So…I threw my plan out the window. I’m still doing my workout plan (Insanity 6 days a week–which means waking up at 0400 on days I work, but I feel so good when I start my day with some exercise)! I’m still doing a strict Paleo/Whole 30 style eating plan, but I’ve made it less strict by allowing myself 1 cheat day every week. Because it’s no fun to go to a game night with friends and eat bell peppers. It’s no fun eating a salad without dressing at dinner and a movie date night. I feel great when I eat great, but when I’m out having fun I’m going to have FUN and I’m not going to follow any rules while I’m doing it!
D and I are still planning a super fun activity every weekend during this challenge (Movie, Massages, Game night, etc.) and we’re putting a sticky note that says 1 thing we love about the other person on the mirror every day!
I’m still trying to reach out to people during this 30 day break. Soooo many people have supported us throughout this journey and I don’t feel like I’ve been a great support/friend to others because I’ve been so wrapped up in infertility. So…I’m trying to send random cards and messages and focus on supporting other people during this 30 day break (and hopefully I’ll be better about it after the break too).
What I’m not doing? I’m not holding myself to all of the other random little plans I had. I’m not holding myself to much of anything. I’m just trying to exercise, eat well, focus on Daniel, focus on myself, and focus on other people. I’m trying to have fun and enjoy everyday life. I’m trying to relax and stress less and worry less. And I’m feeling really great!
Do you need a break? Do you need a break from your break? I sure did.