Another Side of Infertility

I feel more vulnerable sharing this post with you than any other post I’ve shared in the past. I’ve been wanting to do it for a few months now, but I’ve been nervous and scared about what you all might think. You may think I’m crazy (sometimes I think I’m crazy). You may pity me. You may think I need counseling. There are so many things you might think, but I’m sharing anyway because somebody out there struggling with infertility may just read this post and think “I’m not alone”.

So…what is it? It’s a nursery. I’ve had a good portion of a nursery planned and purchased for some time now. My first pregnancy was over 2 years ago so I’ve had a lot of time to think about a nursery. A few days ago someone I follow on Instagram posted a photo of nursery decorations she has for her future baby…a baby who is still a snowflake (frozen embryo). That post was just what I needed as I had just purchased another item for our nursery. It felt so good to know I’m not alone. It felt so good to know other people struggling through this journey are also planning (& sometimes purchasing) their nurseries too. It felt so good knowing that even if I am crazy…I’m not alone. So…here it is.

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I LOVE this nursery. It feels bright & fun and calm & relaxing all at the same time.

My first pregnancy, I bought a few nursery decorations and my mom sent some baby and maternity clothes. I went Black Friday maternity shopping my second pregnancy. And I’ve been picking up baby clothes, nursery decorations, and (sometimes) nursery furniture here and there ever since.

It REALLY all started with a baby swing. After my first miscarriage I saw a baby swing for sale on my neighborhood’s Facebook yard sale page. It was in like new condition and it was only $40. It was the exact same swing I had put on my registry and I didn’t plan on having 4 more miscarriages so I bought it. I bought it thinking, “We’re going to get pregnant again and we’re going to have a baby so I might as well pick things up here and there if it’s a great deal.” I was a bit embarrassed to go pick it up since I wasn’t even pregnant, but I did anyways. Buying that swing made me feel really good and in some weird way helped me cope with my miscarriage a little bit. And that’s what started it all. Keep reading to see where it’s taken me 2 years later.

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I painted the nursery between pregnancies over a year ago.

 

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I made book slings to keep myself busy following my IUI.

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D and I made storage cubbies & I painted them in fun colors!

 

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Closet cubby complete with a Boba wrap a bought during my 2nd pregnancy and a fetal heart monitor from a friend.

 

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I’ve been picking up cute baby clothes for 2 years- some of those are gifts!

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Those baskets up top are full of maternity clothes. Black Friday got the best of me during my 2nd pregnancy.

 

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Enough décor to fill up every wall.

 

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Sweet, tiny onesies.

 

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The crib is the one thing I’ve been holding off on. I’ve reasoned that a rocking chair can just be a chair in our living room and a dresser can just be a dresser in a guest room, but a crib can’t be anything but a crib and a crib is for babies. I’ve told myself that buying a crib is the one thing that will put me over the edge into the crazy category but then I saw a crib on my community yard sale page that was just too good to pass up. Too good of a deal, in too good condition, in a style that I love too much. So I bought a crib on Saturday.

I’ve been feeling down and depressed A LOT throughout this journey, but every time I’ve bought or made something for our future baby I’ve been in a really good place. Every time I picked something up I was hopeful and positive. I was dreaming about our future. Feeling good about our future. KNOWING there’s a baby in our future. Picking something up here and there keeps me going. It means I still have hope.

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Remember that move I talked about in my last blog post? That move means I’ll never bring a baby home to THIS nursery. Sure, we’ll move everything with us and have it for our next house and our next nursery, but I’ve spent so many hours dreaming of caring for my baby in THIS nursery. All of these THINGS I’ve purchased don’t even come close to the dreams I’ve dreamed for our child, our family. 

2 thoughts on “Another Side of Infertility

  1. Cathy Bryan

    You are NOT crazy! You are hopeful & thinking positive thoughts. I did the same thing! Even bought a small box (back in the day when diapers did not come in plastic) of diapers just to have the baby smell in my nursery. After three miscarriage’s & a Molar Pregnancy I desperately held onto the hope that I would someday have a baby & become a Mother.
    You do what makes you happy & soothes your heart.
    And by the way, your nursery is adorable & very calming. 💕💙

    Like

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